Aftermath
by infinite shadow
Summary: Tag to In My Time of Dying. Be warned kinda spoilery. Just my take on what happened after Dean is released from the hospital. Rated due to language.
1. Chapter 1

Aftermath

By infinite shadow

Disclaimer: I don't own anything recognizable in the following story. Anything recognizable belong to the CW, WB, and all.

Author's notes: If you haven't seen the season premiere of season two yet this is a tag to the episode **In My Time of Dying**. Contains spoilers for this episode so consider yourself warned. I'm sure other more talented writers have put their spin on that marvellous episode but here is my take.

This was scratched out very quickly and I hope it makes sense. Seriously not my best work, but wanted to get it out there. A shout out to lynxlan who gave this a very quick beta tonight. This looks loads better after you reviewed it. Thanks as always for helping me get the words out properly.

Anyways read and enjoy. As always feedback is craved and appreciated.

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Dean opened the motel room door and slowly walked into the small room. He was on overload and was having a hard time processing everything that had just happened. His body ached and chest throbbed from the remnants of his wounds from the demon.

Placing his duffle on the bed closest to the door he glanced over at his little brother. Sam had just closed the door softly and went to the other bed. He half collapsed, half sat on the end of the bed. He didn't drop his duffle bag but clenched it tightly in one hand and stared blankly at the dresser in front of him.

Dean looked around the room trying to think about how they got to the motel and got the room. He quickly dismissed the notion as it made his head hurt. Anyway it didn't really matter in the scheme of things. At least Sam was here and safe even if he looked completely out of it.

He wanted to ask his younger brother if he was ok, but he already knew the answer. Neither one of them were ok. They both wanted their father back.

Sam felt this odd disconnected feeling almost as if he was trapped in a surreal dream and he couldn't get out. Any moment now he was going to wake up. Yeah that's what would happen. He was going to wake up. The accident never happened, the demon hadn't possessed his father and everything was ok. The Impala would be parked just outside their motel room freshly washed and waxed. Everyone was alive - everyone. Pastor Jim, Caleb and Dad were alive and well. Dad would be alive. Dad would be alive. Dad would be alive. Dad…

"I'm going to take a shower. Get some sleep," Dean said and paused for a second as he headed towards the bathroom. He placed a hand on his brother's shoulder and squeezed slightly. "Hey."

Sam looked up as he finally registered that Dean was standing in front of him squeezing his shoulder. He looked up into his older brother's concerned gaze.

"Did you hear me? Get some sleep," Dean said softly.

Sam slowly processed the words. Wasn't he just trying to convince himself that this was just a horrible unending nightmare? The pressure on his shoulder increased slightly and Dean's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Yeah ok," Sam said but he knew he wouldn't be sleeping. By the look on his brother's face he didn't believe him but Dean nodded anyway.

The younger hunter watched as his brother slowly went into the bathroom and closed the door. Sam's gaze didn't waiver until he heard the shower turn on.

He slowly stood up and opened his bag. He didn't want to sleep, but he could look like he was making an effort to please Dean. His movements were sluggish as if he was working by rote. After changing he stretched out on the bed and leaned up against the headboard.

Closing his eyes his mind began sorting through the events of the day. His breathing picked up and his eyes bolted open.

"Oh God what have I done?" he whispered.

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Dean leaned over the sink. His body aches had been eased by the shower, but nothing could curb the ache in his heart. His father, his own personal tower of strength and boyhood hero was gone. The dream of being a family again shattered the moment the doctor called the time of his father's death.

Dean would never see his father again. Ever. Never hear his rough voice, never hear him fight with Sam, never… His mind trailed off as his body shook almost violently.

Suddenly he turned and heaved into the toilet. He sunk down slowly and rested up against the cold tub. Running his hand over his face he tried not to cry. He tried so hard to keep it together but the tears fell anyway. Dean sat there silently letting the tears fall and for a few moments he allowed himself to let the weakness show. Then he pulled himself together and reminded himself he wasn't alone. The one good thing he had left in his life was in the next room no doubt finding a way to blame himself over this entire mess.

Dean wiped the tears off his face and slowly stood. Splashing cold water on his face seemed to clear the fogginess in his brain. He dried off and opened the bathroom door. He glanced around and found his brother sitting in bed leaning up against the cushioned headboard of the motel bed. At closer inspection Dean noticed that Sam was breathing heavily, he had sweat rings around his arms and neck, and he was very pale. He held the bedspread in a death grip and he hadn't seen a panicked look on his brother like that for a very long time.

Dean took a deep breath and slowly walked toward his brother moving silently between the two beds.

"Sammy?" he said softly.

Sam's head shot up and Dean saw the distress in the younger man's eyes.

"It'll be ok Sam. Really," Dean said.

Sam shook his head. "No. No it won't."

Dean sat down on Sam's bed facing his brother. "Look Sammy I know you've lost a lot in the last year. But we'll get through this."

Sam closed his eyes and swallowed. "No Dean you don't know. You were in a coma. You don't know what he asked me for. And what I got for him. You don't know."

Dean reached out and grabbed Sam's arm not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to get his attention. He did not like the tremors he could feel running through his sibling's body.

"You're not making much sense there kiddo," Dean said and was surprised when Sam just shook his head. He slammed his head back against the headboard.

"Hey whoa there. Take it easy. Sammy open your eyes and look at me," Dean ordered as calmly as he could. He hoped that he looked calm to his brother cause his little brother's behaviour was beginning to scare him.

Sam opened his eyes and Dean almost flinched at the terror laden guilty look that focused on him. His expression must have shown something because Sam's breathing sped up and Dean was sure that he was past pale and was going grey.

"Sam calm down," Dean ordered quietly hoping to head off a total panic attack.

"No," Sam panted. "You. Don't. Under. Stand."

"Yeah I get that man, but you need to calm down. I don't need you passing out on me here," Dean said.

Sam shook his head and his breathing increased. "Can't. Breathe."

"Sam listen to me. If you can talk you can breathe," Dean said and grabbed his hand. He held the hand to his chest. "Breathe with me Sammy. Come on slow deep breaths."

Sam nodded and clenched his eyes closed. Dean could see him try to take slower breaths.

"Good Sammy," Dean said keeping his voice low and even. "That's right. A little deeper now, good. You're doing great. Slow and easy little brother. Slow and easy."

After a few more minutes Sam's breathing had returned to normal and Dean let go of his hand.

"That's good Sam. Now slowly and calmly try to tell me what happened while I was in the coma," Dean said.

"I didn't know Dean I swear," Sam said and his breathing increased.

"Easy Sammy. I'm not mad or upset and I promise whatever it is I won't get upset. Just tell me ok?" Dean coaxed.

Sam looked at him for a moment and nodded. He took another deep calming breath. Dean noticed that he purposely looked away and back down to the threadbare comforter.

"While you were asleep Dad asked me to do a couple of things. Get the arsenal out of the car, bring him the colt," Sam said and paused for a moment. "He also gave me a list of things he needed."

Dean frowned at the mention of his beloved car. Man he missed her. "Yeah so Dad gave you a shopping list. And," he prompted when Sam had been quiet for too long.

Sam shifted uncomfortably on the mattress.

"Sam are you hurt I mean more than on your face?" Dean asked as for the first time truly taking in his brother's bruised appearance.

Sam ignored the question that he really wasn't sure how to answer. "He said the stuff on the list was for protection. He promised that he wouldn't go back to hunting the demon until we were all healed. But when I met up with Bobby he told me that it wasn't for protection at all."

Sam shifted again under his brother's scrutiny.

"Sammy what did Bobby say the stuff was for?" he asked.

"Summoning," Sam answered.

"Summoning?" Dean repeated.

Sam let out a shaky breath. "Yeah and Bobby came through as usual. A full duffle of everything Dad needed to summon the demon. I confronted him about it. I screamed at him. I accused him of being more interested in the hunt than in you a few doors down di-," Sam choked on the word.

"Hey I'm ok kiddo. I didn't die. I'm right here," Dean said.

Sam nodded and took a deep breath. He looked up at his older brother and Dean sucked in a breath at the tormented look.

"Dean he promised. He promised that he wouldn't hunt until we were recovered. He promised," Sam said so softly that Dean had to strain to hear the last two words.

"I shouldn't have believed him. I shouldn't have left the bag in his room but I believed him," Sam said and looked away. "Why did I believe him?"

Sam brought his knees up and leaned forward moving himself into a ball. "I shouldn't have believed him," he whispered.

"Sam look at me," Dean ordered.

It took a moment but Sam finally brought his eyes up to meet his brother's.

"The doctor told us it was an aneurysm brought on by one of his wounds," Dean said. The older boy hadn't believed a word the doctor had said about the cause of his father's death. "What do you think happened?

"He must have summoned the demon. It makes sense, right? He had everything he needed. I mean I delivered everything he needed right to him and now," Sam looked away. "Now he's gone Dean. He's gone and the last thing I did was have a fight with him."

"Sammy this is not your fault. Jesus little brother I am going to have that tattooed on your forehead and make you repeat it every morning," Dean said.

"Dean this is not funny," Sam exclaimed.

"Yeah I know," Dean said quietly.

Sam looked away and Dean could see the anger simmering just beneath the surface. Dean didn't hold any anger towards his father he just felt bone weary exhaustion. He wanted to crawl under the covers and sleep for the next century.

He sniffed loudly and cleared his throat. "Listen up Sam cause I am tired of repeating myself. This is not your fault. Even if you hadn't brought Dad the supplies he would have found a way. You know he was always resourceful that way. Dad was bound and determined to take on that Demon whether it was a sneak attack or a straight on attack by bringing the son of a bitch onto his turf on his terms."

Sam looked down and shook his head. "Then I made it far too easy on him," he said softly. "Dean what are we going to do now? We've lost Dad, Pastor Jim, Caleb and who knows who else Meg got to before we exorcised her."

Dean sighed. "Sammy man I know I'm supposed to have all the answers but all I have are questions. Starting with where's my car?"

"Dad's gone and all you can say is where's my car?" Sam asked incredulously.

Dean smirked at his response then turned serious. "If I could bring Dad back I'd do it in a second. You know that right?"

"Yeah," Sam whispered. "I know."

"Look Sam there are a few things that we need to take care of here over the next couple of days," Dean started.

"Yeah," the younger man said.

Dean swallowed heavily trying not to think about what he had to do to his own father's body. There were times he really hated fire.

"But I was thinking that when we're done we could head for Bobby's. Take some time. We'd be safe there and we could work on the car. I mean if Bobby," Dean paused. He didn't really remember the accident and he had no idea what kind of shape his car would be in.

"Bobby's got the car Dean. I made sure," Sam said softly. "You're not going to like her condition but I told him that if there was one part that was working she could be fixed."

Dean blinked rapidly a couple of times and nodded as he looked away. "Thanks Sammy."

"Dean?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," he said roughly.

"I don't think I'll be sleeping tonight," Sam admitted.

"Yeah me neither," Dean said and looked up. "Bar?"

"Bar," Sam agreed and crawled out of bed. A short while later he was ready to go. But one look at his brother who had his legs bent over the side of the mattress and was lying on the bed staring up at the ceiling still dressed in sweat pants and t-shirt made him second guess their decision to go to the bar. Dean was pale and he knew he shouldn't be going anywhere.

"Dean?" Sam ventured.

"Yeah Sammy?" Dean answered.

"I gotta go get something. Be right back," Sam said and grabbed the door handle.

"You ok?" Dean asked as he lifted his head off the bed and looked at his brother.

"Yeah," he said and left.

Dean lowered his head back to the bed and shook it slightly. They were both far from ok. He couldn't seem to muster up enough energy to get himself off the bed. It was almost as if he wanted to call it quits. His dad was gone. Gone. Somehow he couldn't help but feel like he'd failed him. The demon had won this round and his father had paid the price. If he'd just found the courage to shoot back in the cabin then maybe his father would be alive. Sam wouldn't have had to shoot his own father. He was the oldest. It was his job to protect Sam from everything. Why hadn't he just sucked it up and shot his father?

He'd failed Sam and he'd failed his father but he could make it up to Sam. He'd never have the chance to make it up to his father. If he eventually did make it right his father would never know.

Dean ran a hand over his face surprised to find it wet. Damnit he was supposed to be the strong one but he felt like he was coming apart at the seams. Where the hell was his brother anyway. He really needed a drink. But more than needing a drink he needed his father here to yell at him to tell him how badly he'd screwed up. Then he'd help him put things right. God he just needed his dad. He hoped he was ok wherever he was.

His musings were cut short as the door swung open and no one entered for a moment. Dean bolted up only to see Sam come in with a case of beer then go back out and come back with another one.

Dean frowned. How long had Sam been gone?

Sam smiled slightly at him and shrugged as if he'd heard the question. "I uh wasn't checked into the hospital and they wouldn't let me stay the first night. So I stopped on the way back to the motel. I've been keeping them in the trunk of the rental car to keep them cool. There were three," he said and shrugged again and opened the box.

He brought a cool beer to his brother. "Thought we could stay in?" Sam said.

Dean nodded. "Good idea."

They spent most of the night drinking through the two cases of beer and reminiscing about their childhood and various haunts. Some time around three am Sam stumbled out to the car and brought back the bottle of Jack Daniels.

He held it up to his brother as if for inspection. "Dad didn't wake until the next morning. When he did I picked this up for when he was released."

"He would've appreciated it Sammy," Dean said softly. He opened the bottle and held it up slightly. "For everything you taught me Dad and everything you gave to me thank you will never cover it."

Dean took a long drink and passed the bottle to his brother who sat beside him at the table.

He looked at the bottle for a moment. "I wish you were here Dad," he almost whispered and took a long drink.

The tone in his brother's voice brought tears to Dean's eyes. Damn the kid shouldn't have the power to do that anymore. He sniffed loudly and took back the bottle. He took another long drink relishing the burning sensation on the back of his throat.

At some point during the early morning they ended up sitting beside each other on Dean's bed leaning up against the headboard. The bottle of Jack Daniels was almost empty and light was beginning to peek around the curtains. Dean took a drink and tried to pass it to his brother. But Sam didn't take it. Through heavy lidded eyes Dean looked over and saw Sam had his eyes closed and was leaning slightly against him.

"Light weight," he slurred and grinned affectionately at his brother then grew serious. He looked down at the bottle and decided there was just enough left for one more. He held the bottle up slightly.

"We'll make it right Dad. I promise," he whispered and didn't notice the lone tear slowly slipping down his cheek. He brought the bottle up to his lips and drained the bottle.

He put the empty bottle on the floor and pulled the blanket from the end of the bed over him and his brother. "Night Sammy," he whispered.

The End.


	2. Chapter 2

-1Aftermath

Chapter 2 Shattered

Disclaimer - just the usual. I don't own anything recognizable. That's owned by the CW, WB and all. No money was made so please don't sue cause I currently own nothing.

Author's notes: Well Aftermath was only supposed to be one chapter. Sam fell apart and then I started to wonder about Dean and how he would react if he actually fell apart at the seams. One reviewer pondered if Dean would remember anything from when he was wandering around the hospital and the wheels started to turn. Here is the outcome.

This is a tag to **In My Time of Dying**. So if you don't like spoilers and haven't had the opportunity to see the episode be warned. There are several blatant references in the following chapter. You will be spoiled if you read the following.

Oh and there 's some graphic throw up scenes. I'm afraid Dean drank far more beer and JD than Sam did in the last chapter and he's paying the price. So if that icks you out you may not want to read the following.

Also this was not bated. All mistakes (and I'm sure there are quite a few) are completely mine. I wanted to see if I could post something recognizable and worth reading without having it beta'd. Call it a test for posting my tenth story. LOL. Read and enjoy. Comments of any sort are always welcome. Would really appreciate it for this one as its not been beta'd and I would like to see how I can improve.

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Running. He was running down a hospital hallway. Different rooms flashed by him as he passed them with patients in different states of recovery. He stopped just past a doorway and something moved out of the room behind him. It moved at supernatural speed and disappeared before he could see where it went. Then the hallway blurred and he was back in his room looking at himself attached to a ventilator that was helping him breathe and machines that were taking his body's readings.

Dean's eyes bolted opened and he gasped. His heart was racing, he was covered in sweat, his ears were ringing and there was a burning in his throat. As fast as he could he stumbled from the bed away from his sleeping brother and into the bathroom.

He just made it as he collapsed to his knees in front of the porcelain bowl before heaving into the toilet. Wrapping an arm around his throbbing chest he placed the other on the cold porcelain and retched again.

"Dean?" he heard his brother ask sleepily from the doorway.

"Not now Sam," Dean whispered as he closed his eyes and rested his forehead on his arm. His breath came in shallow pants. He felt his body tense giving the only warning before he threw up again.

He felt a hand on his back moving up and down in a soothing way.

"Ok Dean?" Sam asked.

No. He wasn't ok. He was so far from it. "Yeah I'm fine Sammy," he whispered.

He felt his brother gently pull him back into a kneeling position and heard the toilet flush. His breathing sped up again and he groaned before leaning back over the toilet. His entire body clenched painfully and threw up more of the beer and Jack Daniels that he consumed earlier that morning.

"G'way," Dean whispered as he rested his head on his arm again. "Please Sammy."

"Not going anywhere," his brother said.

Dean felt the hand on his back again slowly moving up and down. He remembered his father doing that when he was younger and he had the stomach flu.

"Oh God," he whispered and then threw up again. The warmth soothing motion was gone from his back and he thought he heard running water in the background. The room was spinning and he could've sworn that he wasn't kneeling on a cold floor rather he was falling uncontrollably into some inky darkness below. His ribs felt like they has broken and morphed into shattered glass that cut him with every movement. The ringing in his ears seemed to get louder and louder with every passing second.

"Sammy?" Dean asked.

"Yeah?" Sam replied as he put a cool cloth on the back of his brother's neck.

"Feel like crap," Dean mumbled and gasped against the pain in his chest.

"Yeah I got that. Just take it easy," Sam said softly.

The soothing warmth and motion was back as Sam rubbed his aching back. "Stop," Dean said.

Sam's hand stilled on his back. "Stop what?" He asked.

"The room from spinning," he whispered.

"Dean?" Sam asked.

Dean could hear the concern in his little brother's voice but it seemed to come from so far away. He allowed himself to fall into the darkness and passed out.

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He was looking at his brother sitting on the floor with a Ouija board setup in front of him with his hands resting on the plastic piece.

"All right Sam. This isn't going to work," he reached out and laced his hand on the plastic and moved the piece to yes. The scene blurred and then he was moving the plastic piece over different letters.

"R-E-A-P. A reaper?" Sam whispered.

The scene blurred again and he was running down the hospital corridor stopping just outside a room. Inside Doctors and nurses were working feverishly over a young girl as they tried to bring her back to life. A ghostly figure floated above her and reached out. The transparent hand slipped into her head between her eye and cheek. He rushed into the room but before he could stop it the ghost disappeared and the nurse called the time of death.

Dean opened his eyes and he was lying in a bed with a cool wet cloth on his forehead. Sam was sitting on the bed next to his watching him.

"Hey look who woke up," he said softly.

Dean blinked a couple of times and groaned as his head felt like it was going to burst open any minute. His head throbbed to a different beat than his throbbing chest making him feel dizzy. He groaned and closed his eyes.

"Well I'd ask you how you were feeling but," Sam trailed off.

"Sammy?" Dean croaked out.

"Yeah?" Sam replied.

"Dude I think something died in my mouth," Dean whispered.

Sam half grinned and stood up slowly then moved to sit beside his brother. "Can you sit up?" he asked.

Dean started to sit up but groaned and put his head back on the pillow. "No. Did I bust my ribs?"

"Well no. But you probably pulled some muscles from earlier," Sam said with a sigh.

Dean cracked one eye open and took in his brother's appearance. He was pale with a slight greenish tinge to his complexion. The bruising on is face were angry red and purples and stood out in stark comparison to the pale green the rest of his skin was. "You look like crap," Dean said.

"Well I look better than you," Sam retorted. "Now c'mon sit up."

"Why?" Dean asked as he closed his eyes.

"Cause I got something to make you feel better," Sam said. "Pain killers for your head and chest."

Dean opened his eyes slightly as he felt Sam get off the bed. He slowly tried to ease himself up groaning as pain shot through his head and around his chest. Then Sam was helping him to sit up. "Dude get off me I got it."

"Oh yeah. You did that just fine all on your own," Sam said.

Dean panted at the fresh pain and nausea that threaten to overwhelm him. He felt Sam stack the pillows behind him and then his little brother guided him to lean back against the worn pillows. He idly wondered when Sam had gotten so good at taking care of him. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?

"Ok Dean?" Sam asked.

"Will you stop asking me that man? The answers not going to change any time soon," Dean said. "I'm fine."

Sam sighed and Dean felt a cool glass put into his hand.

"It's water. Here are the pills," Sam said softly as he put the tablets into his other hand. "Do you think you could keep them down?"

All Dean wanted to do was go back to sleep and he was doubtful that anything would stay in his tortured stomach. "Yeah," he said and took the meds.

He closed his eyes for a moment then opened them as he tried to see what Sam was doing. His younger brother shrugged and showed him the small garbage can he was holding.

"Just in case," he mumbled. " I don't want to carry you again. You've gotten heavy man. Tomorrow the cheese burgers are off the menu. Salads are the new burgers."

"Dude don't talk about food," Dean groaned and closed his eyes feeling exhausted. He hoped that when he woke up his father would be there. He knew that there was no way it would happen but the thought of his father walking through the door telling them that he'd done battle with the demon on it's turf and won was extremely comforting. His breathing evened out as he fell asleep.

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He woke sometime later feeling much better. His headache was almost gone and he didn't feel nauseated at all. And he hadn't had a weird dream about the hospital. He looked around the room for his brother and frowned when he didn't see him.

"Sam?" he called out but didn't get a response.

Slowly Dean sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. His arm immediately curled protectively around his chest. The only thing he could think of was that Sam shouldn't be going anywhere on his own.

The motel room door opened and Sam walked in with a small bag and a carry tray holding two coffees.

"Hey," Sam greeted as soon as he saw his brother sitting up. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," Dean said eyeing the coffee. "Where'd you go?"

"Drug store. Before we left the Doctor gave me your prescription to get filled. They're T3's but to be honest I'm not really sure what the Doc said it was for. I guess I was a little out of it," Sam said.

Dean was quiet for a moment as he sized up his brother. "Sammy you're not looking so good man. Why don't you sit down or something."

"I'm fine," Sam said as he put the bag and tray on the table.

Dean nodded not wanting to press the point and rubbed a hand over his face. Suddenly he saw himself in his father's hospital room. His brother and father were arguing again and he was yelling at them to stop. In frustration he lashed out at a cup of water knocking it from the roll-table and on to the floor. The argument abruptly stopped, Sam and John looked from the wet floor back to each other.

"Dude I full on Swayze'd that mother," Dean said.

"What?" Sam asked as he came over and sat on the bed across from his brother.

Dean looked at him slightly confused. "Sam when you were arguing with Dad in his room did a glass of water fall and break?" He asked.

Sam looked away. "Yeah. I thought it could've been because of me. I was so angry with Dad that I thought that I might have sent it crashing to the ground like I moved the cabinet at Max's."

Dean nodded. "I remember."

Sam sighed. "Remember what?"

"I moved it. I wanted you two to stop fighting and I got so frustrated when you couldn't hear me that I hit the glass of water," he explained.

Sam looked back up at his brother frowning. "I thought you didn't remember anything from when you were in your coma. And when did you watch Ghost? It's a chick flick you know."

"I didn't remember before I saw- remembered just now about the glass. And I seem to remember," Dean said and paused giving his brother a half grin. "A Ouija board Sam?"

Sam shrugged and blushed slightly. "It worked, didn't it?"

"Yeah. It was perfect Sammy and I know I wouldn't have thought about it," Dean said and smiled fully. "I was so relieved that you could hear me."

Sam smiled then sobered. "Do you remember the reaper?" He asked.

"I think so. But it wasn't like the one I saw in Ford City Nebraska you know with LeGrange? This was a floating disembodied ghostly looking thing. I think it took a child's life before I could stop it," Dean said softly.

"You told me you were hunting it and that it was after you. I went from an overwhelming relief that you were ok and I could talk to you back to feeling like my world was falling apart cause I didn't know how to help you. I didn't know how to get you back into your body. An ordinary reaper that wasn't trapped and doing someone's bidding isn't something I can handle, or at least I didn't know how to deal with it. I didn't get the chance to find out cause just as I was telling you I wasn't giving up your eyes opened and you gasped for breath as you fought the ventilator," Sam said softly and then a funny look crossed his face.

"What is it Sam?" Dean asked.

"Dean you don't think that Dad," Sam started to say then trailed off.

"Dad did what Sam?" Dean asked feeling his headache beginning to reform.

"Dad summoned the demon?" Sam asked.

"Yeah I mean I guess so. That's what he planned to do and he had everything he needed," Dean said.

"What if he didn't break his promise. What if he didn't summon the demon to fight it? What if he summoned it to," Sam paused and took a shaky breath. "Trade."

"No. No way Sam. Dad wouldn't have done that. He'd summon it to kill it. That's been the plan all along," Dean said resolutely.

"Yeah but what if Dad felt like he was cornered you know? Like this would be the only way for," Sam stopped and looked away from Dean.

"The only way for what? Could I buy a freakin word here or better yet could you just finish a sentence?" Dean said.

"To save you," Sam said so quietly that Dean almost didn't hear him.

Dean frowned and opened his mouth but no words came out of it. No dad wouldn't have done that for him. Sammy maybe but… The room began to tilt slightly.

"Dean I'm sorry I didn't mean," Sam started.

"Shut up Sam," he whispered.

"Man I didn't think," Sam tried again.

"Shut up! Dad did not just give himself over to the demon for me. He did not give up! I can't believe that! He would have never done that for me," Dean yelled.

"Of course he would have done that for you," Sam said softly as his eyes narrowed slightly. "He would have done that for either one of us."

Silence hung heavy in the room as the burden of Sam's words fell squarely on Dean's shoulders weighing him down.

"At least he said goodbye to you. He sent me away like I didn't matter," Sam said. "I understand why."

"You understand? Great. Maybe you could explain it to me then cause nothing that's happened in the last couple of days makes sense to me," Dean said harshly.

"I just meant," Sam started to say.

"Oh I know exactly what you mean little brother. You know what Dad said to me? Promise me you'll look after Sam. He may have sent you off but he was still worried about you. Don't you think for one measly second that Dad didn't love you or care about you. Don't you," Dean paused and took a breath. "Don't you dare think," Dean stopped and tried to reign in his emotions that were spiralling out of control.

Dean stood up. He was too angry. He had to go somewhere. Anywhere. There had to be something to take this anger out on. He shouldn't be doing it to Sam. There had to be something supernatural nearby to kill. He closed his eyes and took another deep breath as he tried to calm down. The room was spinning, he felt like everything was falling apart and out of his control. And if he was honest with himself he was furious that his Dad had given up. The great John Winchester never gave up on anything.

"Dean it's ok," Sam said softly.

"Sam we are so far away ok it's not even funny," Dean growled.

"No. I mean it's ok to be angry at Dad," he said.

Dean opened his eyes. "What? The man is dead Sam," Dean yelled feeling angrier and helpless more and more as the conversation continued. Dean Winchester did not do feeling helpless well.

"Yeah I know. And he left everything squarely on our shoulders before he left," Sam said softly.

"No. He left everything on my shoulders. That selfish son of a," Dean stopped short as Sam suddenly stood up and wrapped his arms around him.

"Dude get the hell off me," he growled with his hands clenched he tried to shove off his brother.

"It's ok Dean," Sam said his voice breaking.

"It's not," he ground out shaking because of his anger.

"So it's not ok right now, but it will be. You said so yourself," Sam said.

"I lied," Dean said with a wavering voice and felt his hands unclench as his anger began to fall away and sorrow fill it's void.

"No you didn't. It will be ok," Sam said.

"No," Dean said but felt his arms wrap around his brother. It wouldn't be ok. It couldn't be ok without his father. His hands clenched Sam's shirt tightly as a sob escaped him. He leaned his head onto his brother's shoulders and let go. Let go of the anger, sadness and pain of loosing his father. The emotions fell in the form of tears that soaked into Sam's shirt.

After a bit when he realized that Dean had calmed somewhat he sighed softly. "It will be ok Dean. It has to be or everything we've done since Mom died will have been for nothing."

"Dad left it for us to finish and we have to finish his quest. We have to get this evil son of a bitch," Dean said as he pulled away from his brother and wearily ran a hand over his face.

"We will finish it or we'll die trying," Sam said simply and shrugged. "That's just the way it is. There is nothing else."

Dean looked up at the words a sinking feeling growing in his gut. He was proud of his brother for being whole heartedly in this fight but there was no way he was going to let them die. He couldn't let him think that way.

"We will finish it little brother," Dean said strongly. "But the only think that's dying is the freaking Demon. Don't even think of it going down any other way or I will follow you into Hell and kick your scrawny ass personally. Got it?"

"Yeah I got it," Sam said and smiled at him. "For Dad, Mom, and Jess."

Dean smiled back. "And for Jim and Caleb. It's days are numbered and we won't be sending it back to hell. We're going to kill it just like Dad planned. Get the journal Sammy. We've got work to do."

The end.


End file.
